Column: Seniors stuck between diligence and senioritis

Janie Simonton | Staff Writer

I don’t know how to feel.

I’ve spent the last 11 trimesters of high school consumed with AP courses, frantic trips to Edline and four a.m. wake-up calls to finish the homework I couldn’t get to the night before. Granted, I’m a control freak. I need to know when everything is happening and why it’s happening. But I’m also obedient to a fault. Tell me to do something, and I’ll do it. I hate breaking the rules.

But here we are. The twelfth and conclusive trimester of high school is finally nigh, and the way I’ve functioned during the last eleven may cease to be relevant. You see, I’m torn between remaining the way I’ve always been and loosening up a little, because colleges don’t see my grades this trimester. So, realistically, I should be fine abandoning my devotion to schoolwork and reveling in my ability to, finally, kick back and relax.

But, I don’t know if I can.

How can something that’s been so inherent, and such a way of life for long, simply not be necessary anymore? If I can get by not submerging myself in my work, then why should I? Yet, I can’t bring myself to.

I’m sitting here, like Buridan’s donkey, paradoxically stuck between the temptation of the satisfaction of hard work and the pleasure of being carefree.

And, frankly, it scares me.

When something has been a part of me for so long, I’m not sure how easy it will be to abandon it just for a good time. Is it sensible, in the last fragment of my adolescence, to completely change who I am?

I don’t know yet.

The jury’s still out.

But, then again, I’m still in high school. We all are. As much as we’d like to believe we’re adults, we’re not yet. We may be at the cusp, but our lives aren’t so serious yet that every decision we make requires months of planning. So you know what? It’s okay that I don’t know how this last trimester is going to play out. It’s okay if you don’t know where you’re going to college yet. I say, in this last puff of time we have here, we make a decision of indecision. This is the apex of our youth, the last time we can push off making a decision and get away with it. So, let’s take things day by day, not worrying about the decisions we have to make, and, instead, stopping to smell the Spunkmeyers wafting through the commons, in our last chance to do so before we have to grow up.